


Quite Alright

by Hawkwitch



Series: oneshots [9]
Category: Yes Minister, Yes Prime Minister
Genre: Dark Comedy, F/M, Flashbacks, One-Shot, Pre-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5817496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkwitch/pseuds/Hawkwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title: Quite Alright<br/>Characters: Sir Humphrey, Lady Appleby, Sir Arnold, Dr. Edith<br/>Genre: Dark Comedy<br/>Rating: PG<br/>Warnings: stalking, mild violence, slightly disturbing<br/>Summary: Pre-canon. Happens in early 1950's. Humphrey works for Dr. Edith Summerskill whom he did not wish to call his Political Mistress. His parents are desperate for grandchildren. Valentine's Day special.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Humphrey’s parents were desperate for grandchildren and were urging him to get married. That was about the last thing on his mind as he did not have his own place for cripes sake. He lived with parents. Actually his best friend also lived there most of the time, as living with his own parents was a little bit beneath that bloke. Humphrey did not even have a proper job. Being a slave to Dr. Edith Summerskill, who was not even a proper Cabinet Minister, did not pay much.

Anyway, his parents were assertive enough to set Humphrey up on a date with a daughter of their friends. Humphrey told Arnold to come with them. To pay for the night out Humphrey „borrowed“ money from Dr. Edith Summerskill’s purse and forgot to inform her about it. That girl was named Victoria. Then Arnold went to speak to some other friends and that was the last thing Humphrey remembered even though he did not drink too much. He woke up in Victoria’s place. He was claiming for the rest of his life that he had been drugged. For some reason his parents did not believe him and thought he was seeking attention.

The other night Humphrey accompanied Dr. Edith Summerskill to a reception. She got very pissed and started hitting on him. He tried to slip away from her clutches but she kept on following him around. That woman was older than his mom. But she was confident he needed a woman with enormous experience. He said that he had to go home. That was actually true. Oh the irony, only Victoria had agreed to give him a lift and they would meet again. Dr. Edith followed Humphrey into the car park and he just failed to shake her off. Then Victoria arrived and that was bound to end in a disaster.

„Oh get away from my man, you old tart!“ Victoria screamed, slapped Dr. Edith in the face and pulled her hair. A handful of fake hair fell off and that sight was disgusting.  
She was actually quite alright for a girl.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on idea by LRRH

Dr. Edith’s desk was a mess. Humphrey was putting some old files on top of a bookshelf and suddenly Dr. Edith grabbed his butt.  
„Dr. Edith! I am begging you, dear lady! Please stop!“ Humphrey pleaded, once he had stopped screaming. „I have a fiancée! I’ll get married soon!“ Well, that was not 100% true. He had gone out on 6 dates with Victoria and that almost counted as being engaged, right?  
„It was just a little joke darling! I am only looking, your fiancée has nothing to worry about.“ Dr. Edith backed off and suddenly turned nostalgic. „Oh first love, this is so romantic! I remember losing my virginity just like it was yesterday.“  
Which century was that? Humphrey wondered. She also made a graphic description of the aforementioned topic. He wished to sink into the ground.

Humphrey went into Victoria’s place in the evening and told her about the incident. His awful boss was harassing him again. He fessed up that he had lied he has a fiancée.  
Victoria thought it was lovely. Half-jokingly she asked, whether Humphrey wants to marry her.  
Humphrey went round and round in circles like surely this is a great idea but why do it immediately, none of his friends were engaged yet and only a few even had girlfriends and this was not the right time but maybe in 2-3 years. And anyway, neither of them has their own flat and they do not have anywhere to live.  
Victoria could not get a straight answer out of him and that made her most frustrated.

Humphrey’s parents got curious, when he marries Victoria and then it came out they had talked about it. Well, what the parents did not understand, this was just banter, damn it! Humphrey asked Arnold whether he should marry Victoria. Arnold was like „whatever“. Humphrey started teasing him and asked whether Arnold knew where to get money for an engagement ring. Disturbingly enough he did, alas... as an assistant in Home Office (his salary was always paid in time, lucky bastard) he just came across information concerning criminal ties of one Cabinet Minister. Since Humpy worked with Dr. Edith, he could easily contact and blackmail that chap and they would split the money. Humprey was not sure, whether he was capable of going through with this. Somehow it turned out shockingly easy in reality. That Minister nearly pissed his pants and coughed up the money. Humphrey had a strange feeling he should have asked for more.

Humphrey’s friend Jumbo called to his work phone and congratulated him on the upcoming wedding. Apparently Arnold had blabbed to everyone and their brother that Humpy is absolutely desperate to get married as soon as possible. That had been just banter, damn it! And of course Victoria was flaunting her new ring everywhere. Drawing a bit too much attention to it in fact. Jumbo wanted to know when the big wedding is. And of course the Bachelor’s Party. He kindly offered his help in organizing the latter. And asked whether Victoria had any single friend who could cook.

Oh well. Dr. Edith was 12 days overdue with paying Humphrey’s salary. Just when he had the Bachelor’s Party coming up. It was well past midnight and the restaurant bill was through the roof. He was determined to persuade his friends to pick up the bill. However, Arnold had some very out of the box solution, how to deal with this crisis and explained it to Humphrey. So Humphrey walked up to the administrator, who was clearly very new and looked like a total sheep and he said in faked confidence that he has made an advance payment already. The administrator got confused, it was too late anyway to check with accountants and they walked out cold. 

Humphrey found himself being a married man rather sooner than expected and was living with his wife in his parents place for about a year after the wedding. The parents wanted grandchildren, but there was just nowhere to put them. It was already insanely crowded there. One day Humphrey found out that Arnold went out with a girl who had her own flat and used the opportunity to kick him out. Living space problems found an unexpected solution. Quite out of the blue Humphrey inherited a flat from a great-uncle he had totally forgotten existed. The size of it was more or less tolerable for a young couple. But what complicated it a bit further was that soon enough his best friend also lived there most of the time as living with his own wife was a little bit beneath that bloke. Humphrey briefly thought about kicking Arnold out again. But then again, he would have to start paying his own bills.


End file.
